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Breathe: Self-harm – “Self-help”

If I was my friend… Yeah, so, as you understand yourself more, As you have learn some lessons along the way, What would be your message to the Hong Jins of the world? If you were to sit in front of them, How would you help them? What would you do to help the Daniels out there? I may not be able to understand why you’re doing what you’re doing, But you’re not selfish.

Like what people might think that you are because I just want to know, did you think that your sister was selfish when She took her life? When I read her letter, she wrote about me. In fact, she wrote to me. But her pain, seemed greater than her love for her brother Although leaving me that letter, I know that she loved me Till the very end. It is probably that voice that grew in her head that became Maybe even louder than the voice of reason, Louder than the voice of living. Louder than the voice of me because She loves me so much- she loved me so much that I’m sure She would have considered me, et cetera, et cetera. The reason why I asked you that was because I always get people Telling me that you’re very selfish, you’re very selfish. Or people who take their life, they’re very selfish. But I just want people to know: You’re not selfish. And you’ll be there for her if you have to take a day off, Take a day off because it’s worth it.

Don’t tell them about all the other people that will feel lost When she’s not around but how you will feel because you are There at that moment. Not to prejudge that person, Not to say “gilla” or crazy when actually it’s an illness. And to understand that and to give treatment and the first treatment Is listening. Yeah. And so on, so forth, so I’m thinking now Mathura because I read One interesting part of your story that you rap! Yeah, I do. And so let’s talk now about things that can actually help you.

So you said that rapping does give you like a means of escape or just A means of being able to I don’t know- just have some sort of A meaning in your life. That’s important right? Yeah. In a person especially who’s going through what you have gone through. So tell us more about that and anything else that has helped you To just live you know? To breathe. Yes. Umm.. different strokes for different folks. Some people love art, Some people love music, some people love watching movies Or some people love dancing but for me the struggle is I’ve been able to do it all. I grew up a dancer, I’m a swimmer. Amazing talent you are. My mom pushed me. I play the piano, I played the Indian classical instrument Called Veena. Yeah, I dance Indian classical dance so I was- I could do all! But I wasn’t happy. I mean, I love what I did. I love dancing. I love doing all that but I wasn’t able to express my pain in all of this art. You know? In dance I wasn’t able to express my pain in dance But with rap, I felt like- I even sing but with rap, singing is different Than rapping to me.

With rapping it’s like poetic justice to me. I’m able to write down my story and like “Wow it makes sense, It rhymes and I feel good!” I feel good rapping about it over and over again Like yes! It’s over, it’s over. You’re able to what you think, express yourself a bit more? Yeah! Like, I don’t know if you know Tupac Shakur. He’s a rapper, he’s like “I wake up in the morning and I ask myself Is life worth living or should I blast myself?” You know? So like, that kind of thing like- You rap it. You rap what you feel. Yeah I rap what I feel. And in doing that, you get to release right? Yeah I get to release.

It’s a relief. I feel satisfied. Fantastic. Yeah. Exactly! That is therapy isn’t it? So would you advise? I mean not rap but people who are going through to find a hobby, To find something that you love. Because I think the key word is ‘expression’. So they find a channel To express their feelings, their thoughts. So what else do you think helped you? Besides rap, what else in this last one year.. you know? Running. Running? I love to run. I can- Alone? You run alone? Alone, alone. Treadmill and music. Put something into your ears. Music. And I just run. Just being in your own world. I can be on the treadmill for 4 hours. Really? Yes. Wow. Not running non-stop but- That’s how you keep so fit and slim. I haven’t been able to run since my- the doctor increase my dosages but That’s how I cope sometimes like, if I wanna do something I just run, when I sweat I just feel like- But some people it could be boxing.

They feel like you know, punching out their emotions. They feel better. But at least do something right? Yeah. Because I find that people who are depressed, The tendency is to be alone and doing nothing. I mean being alone Is not the problem because you can be alone and rap. You can be alone and run. But do something right? Get yourself active. Is that something that will- I think I’m guilty of that, of doing nothing.

Yeah. I can be in my bed. Last year actually, I went 16 days with no sleep. I was on my bed- How did you do that? Wow, 16 days. 16 days. I once heard a psychiatrist or psychologist say where people have suicide tendencies Not to go back to the same environment. Because you get cooked up. Yeah. And there is where you think stuff and you do stuff and I’ve heard, Psychologist or psychiatrist say better to get that person out of that place so, I mean not everybody has the luxury of moving house or moving rooms, But I think getting out is the thing right? Getting out to run, getting out to dance, Getting out to sing and that’s why in this programme it’s even called “Breathe”.

Because it’s like saying go out and breathe! And don’t stay in that 4 walls. Is that something that you would have experienced? Yes, terribly. I’m guilty of that like I said. I’m always in the room. Yeah. I close the curtain so, so, I don’t want the light, I’m just in my bed. 24 hours. I don’t even want to go down and get food. I’ll probably ask my sister to get it for me. Because.. not because I don’t feel like I don’t want to do anything or not Because there’s nothing to do. Just because I just feel like I’m much safer here. I feel much better just curling up in my bed you know? I feel protected, I feel like if I walk out, the world is about to hurt me.

That’s another reason why sometimes I don’t feel like doing anything. Wow, you brought a totally different perspective, it’s like self-preservation. To be in the room, people might think that you are.. what’s happening right? This person who’s depressed wants to be a loner, we should force Her out of her room but actually she thinks that this is a safe.. Place! Place. Even though that people don’t love you, but you have to love yourself. When I experience like a very heart-aches right? I just give myself like Some free time la. To like recuperate and this might be- might sound trivial, But I think this might be practical, that you just rest, you do some exercise, And just align yourself back. And just keep talking to people who believe in you. Right. I think it’s great advice! Because it’s baby step advice.

It’s not one of those things whereby you can have to wait 10 years Before you can do it. In fact immediately after you turn off watching this program, Go do something! Don’t stay in your room. Get out your room, Go call a friend that you can trust. Someone who doesn’t judge you but Take you for who you are and talk about things or just.. yeah! Just go play some sports. Do something that’s healthy. You can do it today. Yeah? You can get up and do something about it today. Don’t just sit there and spiral down this stairwell that leads to nowhere Except darkness and and loneliness and all that right? I enjoy talking to people. Even though coming from a introverted background, When the fact I tell people I enjoy talking to people, that was a very ironic thing. Yeah of course! Coming from where you came from.

Yes. And it was a transformation. Even though that this took time, For me to being so passion- passionate in talking to people, To speaking to them. You might not see it but you’re just planting A seed in them. I hope you never remain quiet Hong Jin because you’ve got so much to say And there’s so many people out there who be so encouraged Just by seeing that yeah, Life is not always that rosy right? And it’s tough with all kinds of curved walls coming your way, It’s about overcoming them one by one. Taking baby steps And believing in yourself, loving yourself, having friends, talking about it. Not isolating yourself. Do you now think that you understand yourself A little bit more? What therefore will be as you understand Yourself more, as you have learned some lessons along the way, What would be your message to the Hong Jins of the world? Firstly, I would advise them to not underestimate the things That they are doing.

Don’t underestimate the smallest thing that you do In helping people, in doing for yourself. Whether it’s doing a daily activity. Like practicing the piano or doing homework. Nothing is too small right? Yes. And the things you do you, you have to find the good things from it and From that, you can be able to help people more. Even though people might misjudge you or misunderstand you, Just don’t look back and say why did I do that? I got one advice that says, “You have to smile” la. You have to smile because even that small thing right? It will like give such a great impact to people.

I got this rebuke from someone. And that their lesson right? Brought me so far even though I’ve been doing this small thing for like- in a day. But as the days Gone by, I noticed that your one action will just help people in a way That you cannot imagine one. I think I’m hearing you say Hong Jin, don’t leave anything to chance. Because is you leave things to chance, you might not do anything. You might just sit back you know, be moody, just do things that are Unhealthy. If you leave things to chance but you’re saying “I Believe.” You must everyday exercise choice and choose to smile. Choose to love yourself, choose to go outside your four walls, Choose to do sports even if you don’t feel like it, Choose to talk to somebody even if you feel scared That they might not understand. Choose to love others even if They might not understand your good intentions, choose to believe In yourself, choose not to doubt, choose.

Because if you leave things to chance, It might not only be that nothing gets done, it might be get worse. Yup. But if you choose every single day right? It’s a daily act of choice. Even when you’re feeling so down, you just promise yourself that You have to help yourself. You have to just treat failure as something As a lesson but even though failure might be so negative, But treat it as- make this liability become an asset to you.

That’s ACCA talk. Yes. Make this failure be the reason for your future, for your success. For what you do and when you look back, people might say: Because of this failure, you have become what you achieve today. And even though- Yeah like stepping-stones right? Yeah, even though there might be cliche ah but I took that very seriously. Like, even though when I experience so many failures in life, I just have- I just turn to people who sees things that I don’t see. Because, we have like, if I’m not mistaken, we have 20/20 vision. So, it is not only eyesight but in the future. You cannot see anything. But people tend to see. Sure. And you know Johari Window? Sometimes people can see things that you don’t see. I would say to Elisha’s like stop trying to find someone that who Exactly same situation with you. And don’t think that actually the Person that who have the exact same situation with you only can Understand you. Maybe find someone that who really that you very close with And if you can open heart but not to boys, but to girls. Let’s say you are the girls, you go and find girls because if boy, It will end up with not a very good way la.

Later after you fall in love- Yeah because you’re opening your heart right? You’re sharing deep thoughts And all that so you don’t want another problem. You want to be Able to share with hopefully the same sex. So that.. yeah! It’s going To be so sensitive, so honest, so close that you don’t need to have Unnecessary- a boyfriend come out of that because that’s another Issue altogether. So that’s your advice to find a girl friend that you can trust. And a very mature person and who can listen to you. More mature than you? Yeah. They might cannot understand your situation but at least You have the chance to saying out is also a way of expression your feeling. Yeah, instead or you just keep it inside. So your advice is not to keep it inside right? Yep. But don’t tell everyone la. Find someone that who really close friend. One is enough. Sometimes just one is enough right? Yeah. And to be able to talk about it. Yep. Because many times, people in that situation don’t talk about it And that’s why they get into a place where it’s just going on in their minds And they try it once, they try it twice, nobody really knows.

Yes. How about if somebody knew? I would just maybe find a roommate with you? Yeah. It’s good that when you stay with a roommate- So don’t be alone? Ya, don’t be alone. And also the person that who guiding the Elisha, he or she must be Full la. Full of love So they must be, they themselves are complete, stronger. And also, Elisha might say something like very hurtful to the person that Trying to help? Guiding her, to want to help her. But I think just… Persevere? Ya! Push on! Don’t give up so easily. Because it’s true right? I mean You’re trying to reach out to people who they themselves don’t understand themselves. And they’re so angry. Sometimes they just want to get your.. Attention! Ya, they will just say something that, “Oh, actually I don’t like you.” And when you want to going out with me, “Ah I don’t want, I don’t want, I don’t want, I don’t want”.

Yeah. Okay. Don’t take no for an answer so easily. Press in, push forward. Lovingly of course! But how if the person say “I need my space!”? , “Leave me alone.” Do you actually leave the person alone? Err… can leave it for awhile but don’t like for few days, for few weeks. Ya. I mean what this lady from Malaysia did to you was amazing right? She actually call at the right time. So I guess sometimes you just have to Do it and do it and do it. Because one of it will be the right time. Right? And when you do something at the right time, in the right place, It makes all the difference.

What would you do to help the Daniels out there? I would say that if all you’re looking for is friends and attention, Then, you shouldn’t just stay the way you are right now. You can choose To be happy and have a different life instead of just being in Your own space and acting as if that no one cares for you but actually There are people that cares about you. It’s just if you’re willing to Go and look for them. And what are the things that you can do? Maybe to have activities with friends. To face sports with friends? Right, so sports is a healthy thing. Yeah and also study with friends because there are quite a lot of people That likes to study alone but staying with friends also will help because They can help you.. How would you tell the Daniels out there in terms of approaching His family? They are the person who is always there for them and they’re The ones that care the most about them. You told me during our break that you hoped to one day be a psychologist.

Yeah. Does it have any connection with what you’ve been through? The thought actually never came up to my mind until I had a talk with some of the teens and then that made me realised that “Oh not everyone who is like me is all quiet and all that.” And sometimes they could be really outgoing but they’re actually having issues Of their own so I just thought that maybe can help those kind of people. So you have chosen psychology to help people like yourself and others Who not necessarily are quiet. Sometimes they can be loud but need help And I think you’re gonna do really well Daniel because you’re doing it with Purpose, that’s clear. And you’re gonna do it in passion, which is very Exciting because people at your age, 17 sometimes, they’re not Even sure what they want to do with life you know? But just through your experience, through your dark times, your painful Moments, your crazy moments, all this mess can be turned into a message As a psychologist one day, God willing, you’ll be able to use this even Your own personal experiences, your pain can bring gain to someone.

Your hurt can bring healing to someone right? Your problems you know? Can provide Solutions for others in the future. Are you excited about that? Yeah. So I wish you all the best Daniel, thank you so much for being on the show. .

As found on Youtube

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